Friday, May 7, 2010

BOTTOMS UP - Part 1 Introduction

Fortune at the bottom of the Pyramid!

My Dear Professor C.K.Prahalad gave the world this mantra (may his soul rest in peace), and it opened the eye of the commercial world to this vast and big untapped market.. To explain in plain english -  the top 20%  in the society understood that they can achieve even greater heights if they can exploit the bottom 80%, who are lying at the bottom of the pyramid (Pyramid here refers to India, atleast in this report) This also explains why Reliance Infocomm had this Brand Slogan - "Kar Lo Duniya Muthhi Mein" - while half the damn bottom of pyramid was busy collecting hand sets for Rs 501, (under monsoon dhamaka scheme, you remember?), it was Mr. Ambani who had his own bottom well cushioned, and safe on the high way to the top of the Pyramid.

Unfortunately this whole damn mantra tells this TOP HEAVY Society how to play around with the large bottom, but what it has for the large bottom is unexplained, and yet to be fathomed by the Ivy League B-Schools' academics. But before they get on to it, burning midnight oil ( actually it is not required any more, one can easily get chinese LED lamps for 20 bucks, so why waste oil), and come out with 2500 pages long case study cum report on how the people residing at the bottom strata of Pyramid can climb on top, here is my take on how this can be achieved.
From the horses mouth, none other than yours truly, Prof Holy Smoke,(MBA, AMBA, AICTEE, CRE, EQUIS, etc etc like it matters!) here are the most lucrative career moves / options that one can make. This is my way of  rendering help to the society, because I promised my dad I will do something good for free, something for the upliftment of the masses (Not in tune with what Sushmita Sen did, who took this upliftment bit literally, and went on for silicon job).
This report is aptly called BOTTOMS UP, as it concentrates on those non conventional jobs and careers, that if taken up by our bhooki janta, would surely pull the bottom, up. But before I write those top career directions, I must warn you of few things, which are tacit in nature (but I still mention it here).

1. These career options are for the Indian Citizens only ( Also for bangladeshis, Nepalis, who have managed to get their Ration card made. For few Pakistanis who are in the hiding, can also try to apply, but you be the best judge)
2. Must Act fast - Once these commandments ( report) are out in the market, hundreds of millions of Indians, and our illegal immigrants with ration cards, are going to flock towards these new uncharted territories. While you might think that only you have read it here, book sellers at Mumbai VT and Churchgate (and similar ghettos at other cities)  would be selling illegal, cheap copies of this report  on re-recycled paper faster than you can think. So, act fast and grab the opportunity.
3. Very soon you would find many people talking against this report, and asking for the credibility of it, questioning its effectiveness.. Those very same people would be the people who are already in line, ahead of you - so have faith (not in me, but yourself please), and more sooner than later, you will see yourself climbing up the ladder, the ladder of success, money, recognition, fame, and what nots ( I see you have already started making a list of what you want !
4. Please do not try all the career options at once ! It is doubtful, that, if you behave like an insane camel ( never heard this term? well hear it now then), who after going in circle and circles in the desert, finally gives up, and is unable to find the exit to the oasis; Yes it is doubtful that if you try your hands (and heads in some cases) at all these Great Career Options (called GCOs for the purpose of brevity from now on) at once, you would succeed even at one. It is also doubtful that you follow my advice on this, for it is not your fault - the damn GCOs are sooo lucrative that you would go ecstatic- just like a monkey on hot bricks !!
5. Very Important: Please steer well clear of those peculiar people, who sport a pony tail, wear rimless glasses, talk MBA rubbish Jargon at every opportunity, and call themselves Management Guru. These kind of people are so much full of Bull, that they keep challenging every second person they meet by saying "Dare to think Beyond ***". Since they are in the habit of challenging everyone, they would definitely challenge this appraoch, written in BOTTOMS UP. To start with how can one come up with a punchline called "Count your chicken before they hatch"? It has to be a management guy only, who is very well familiar with the "Mark to Market Approach" (The very same method, which led to the down fall of ENRON). In todays world you cant count before they hatch, specially when you have damn bird flue to take care of, and considering the new bill government has passed - for all you know half your chicken are GAY, only you didn't know.  So Stay clear of anyone who even remotely looks like a management geek, and  for aroma / nasal comfort please stay clear of people who are in the poultry business - We are going to talk about GCOs, and not some damn chicken counting shit.

Even though my report writing skills are as fantastic as Spoken English of Shri Laloo Prasad, I must, in conformance with "Report Writing for Dummies" bought at Mumbai VT, end my Introduction Chapter here. But please do not forget to read my following chapters, which will open the gate for you to a new life, a life where you will be in control, and not some fat muchhad (apologies, if you are a fat muchhad (मोटा मुछुद्द)).
Let me pause for a day, before I let you know the way to the seeds of the Golden palms, so that you can collect yourself and be ready. So start dreaming!(Thats the power of this report, the confidence it generates in yourself, that you start dreaming already)- No wet dreams please !


  1. :):)..Me waiting for the pearls of wisdom to be shared or seeds to build my own

  2. end of the report was as good as of a hindi movie,kept the suspense alive without delivering at the end!gr8

  3. I certainly agree to some points that you have discussed on this post. I appreciate that you have shared some reliable tips on this review.


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