Saturday, May 1, 2010

Identity Crisis !

Holy Smokes!! No I am not telling you my name, but its just a sigh signifying the amount of time it took me to name this damn blog, let alone write anything. After spending precisely 38 minutes and 22 seconds I could finally find a darn name thats not been taken yet. And its bound to happen this way.
साला ब्लॉग्गिंग में इतना क्रिसिस तो रियल लाइफ में कितना होगा?
Living in India itself creates tremendous pressure even on a super human being, and if you happen to be just an ordinary citizen, and not even remotely connected to a मंत्री or an MLA, you are doomed; which translates into a situation that you cannot write any name of department that you serve ( or do not serve for that matter ) on your vehicle (You are double doomed actually)
Imagine a situation:
Present day, location - some bylane of Siddharth Extension, South Delhi, you smilingly having a wet gaze (wet because you are sweating in f****ing 43 degrees, and not anything remotely dirty as you might think) on your new i10. You heart swells with pride by just thinking how you managed a car loan from SBI (only after 8 weeks, and 5 meetings with the manager) to fulfll your dream of driving the very same machine king drives himself. Though in your truest heart you are aware that its the biggest farce that Shahrukh Khan is subjecting the populace to, by letting them believe that he drives an i10, and uses नवरत्न तेल and powder, eats Chawanprash !(Though he drives a BMW, and for all you know, uses सांडे का तेल )
The car, standing next to the thela of kallu the ironman (Kapaday press karanaywalla), actually displacing it because so far you havent managed a parking slot of your own, looks beautiful. Fully Loaded, gleaming Prussian Blue all of it (Where the heck these car guys get the bugging colour names?), but something is still missing. You have the new number plate displaying the special number ending with 00 (cos you paid 5 grands for it), the insurance / RC is complete, and you already have got the teflon polish done anticipating the rains, (even though they are 3 mnths late, and the met department says we will have shitty monsoon, keeping the trend of past few years).
You thoughfully (considering it is your first four wheeler), open the door for your wife, (who is in her Sunday best, even though it is tuesday today) and get ready to pay your visit to the temple, and get the car blessed from the Head Priest of the Hanuman Temple at Rajiv Chowk (CP for all you oldies)
Your eyes are glued to the road, sorry, to the rear of the other cars (because in Delhi you cant see the roads mostly), and suddenly realize your biggest mistake! You still dont have an identity of your car and you are daring to challenge the roads of Delhi. Sweat beads appear on your forehead, (head actually, since Delhi water has accentuated your receding hairline, you have a large forehead). Just when you are trying to shift your attention from the continuous blabbering of your wife, an auto overtakes you from your left - wait it is not an Auto, it is "HAPPY DI GADDI". You veer to your right, and almost collide with a bike which has PRESS written behind it. As you come to a sudden halt at the Maharani Bag chowk, you find your self trapped amidst hundred of cars, sorry, mins of finance, min of defence, NDTV, DILLI Nagar Palika, and other identified vehicles.
Not only do these vehicles have indentity of their own, but also signify the weight the owner carries, which translates into less hassles when you are caught at the crossroads by the most efficient Dilli Police ka Thulla. Accha that is why your padosi Tanejaji's 118NE has written EX MLA written all over it, and the words GORAKHPUR written below it, in so small a font that even a grasshopper would have to use a lense. Even though Tanejaji is not an ex mla, nor is he from Gorakhpur, but surely his Chachaji in UP is .
Your trouble is increased because A) You dont want to stoop so low as to write Babbu and Rishi ki Gaddi (Dont wanna convert your dream machine into an auto), and B) Because you dare not write JAL NIGAM on your car, because the its just April, and come June , when the temperature rises to 48 degrees, people in the street will start pelting stones at your car, because they are getting running water only twice a day, 30 mins each time.... courtsey your department - JAL NIGAM...
You are doomed, unless you also find a दूर का चाचा who had ever served in police (even as a Hawaldar will do, as long as you get to paint your number plate in, a blue and red rhombus - Police Symbol).

You are double doomed, because your other neighbour, Shekhawat, drives a Sumo, which has written all over it GUDGAON KESARI - GAJJU PAHALWAN (गुडगाँव केसरी - गज्जू पहलवान)


  1. a true journey of Indian middle class who are the unknown drivers of present India.


  2. Very informative, keep posting such good articles, it really helps to know about things.


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